Because I said so!

If Sir ever said, "because I said so,” "Just because", or "Because I felt like it" I would honestly start to question it. I do not submit to a man who would do something just because. I expect more from the person I am with than that. There’s always a method to the madness. There is always some reason. However that reason may not b e known to me at the time. However it is always something that will be to encourage my growth as a submissive, my growth as a person and our growth as a couple. If a Dom has a sub do something just because, then I see it as just toying with his sub. Fun and games are great for some, but not for me. My submission is not a game; I give it because I trust and respect Sir, not because He came to me and said, “I am your Master, you will submit to Me. ” Toying with my submission will break that trust; therefore causing issues in our, much needed, dynamic. Without trust, I cannot submit. Without submission, Sir is not get what he wants and needs. When neither party’s needs are being fulfilled in the relationship, then the whole thing begins to unravel. Sir would never accept the “because I felt like it response” from me. Communication is the key to every relationship. This response is nothing but an inability to communicate. For me, it means that I simply do not want to talk about it. Sir and I have to communicate and not play head games or make assumptions about what the other does or does not know. For us it is better to over share than not share at all.

I will be the first to admit many of my faults. One of these faults being my inability to communicate my emotions properly. When I get overwhelmed with my own emotions I tend to just get angry and volatile and simply shut down. I stop the communication between Sir and I, which obviously is not healthy. It is not healthy in a vanilla relationship and certainly is not in a D/s relationship.

I am working on this by doing journals, especially after something happens. This is a valuable tool for a few reasons. I communicate best with written/typed words. I cannot always communicate immediately after something occurs, sometimes it takes days for me to properly produce the words, but at least I ultimately produce something. It also serves as a tool to where I can look back at where I have started and to where I am now. Personal growth is a hard thing to see and realize. Yet when I can see where I started at with him with my first writings and to see where I am at now, it helps me become more comfortable that there is a reason why I do this.

I strive to communicate with Sir better on a daily basis, to open myself up even when it is hard. In life, we are always communicating in some way with someone, so this is not just a learning experience for me, but also for Sir. We both have to learn how to communicate with each other, because, let us face it, not everyone communicates in the same way. I can see the frustration on Sir’s face when I do not talk, when I do not open up. These occasions become less and less as we learn to work with each other instead of against each other. We will always be learning how to communicate with each other, because people change, but as long as we are open to learning about each other communication should get easier. We have to meet in the middle on communication and sometimes one has to give more than the other in order for both needs to be met.

Written by myself. Copy edited by Sir Dennis. :)