My Core

1. Your core is who you are. Who are you?

I am a mother, when I had my little ones I changed. I became less harsh and aggressive and dominant. I became nurturing and loving. They are my first true loves.
a submissive, I submit because it takes all of the over analyzing, control freak habits that I have and allows me to get rid of them. Those habits aren’t part of who I truly am they are more part of what I feel that I have to be in my life in order to make it into the future, sometimes it’s just day to day.
a student, I love to learn. I really do enjoy being in school. Working on my brain is one of my favorite things to do. an over emotional wreck. This stems from my own past of abuse that started in my child hood and then it reoccurred in my adult life. It has led to years of depression, night terrors, anxiety, and mixed with other events has led to PTSD.
an attention whore, this plays into my being a farce. The mask of a happy bubbly person that everyone gets along with and enjoys being around is a good way to keep myself busy to everyone doesn’t see the muddle shit behind the attention whore act.
I am a farce. I can play the part of pretending to be okay better than anyone I know and I have been able to do it for many years, longer than most people can remember back in their lives.

2. What part of you is most touched or healed by submission?

Submission for me is a release from the duties that surround my time apart from being with Sir. It’s an escape. I don’t have to think because everything is simple and laid out. I am not the one in control and I don’t have to worry about needing to control things because I should trust the person I am with to guide me.

3. What part of you is most challenged?

Right now my happiness is truly being challenged, because I am feeling very lost in what I think I should be, what my heart and brain think I should be, what I need, and what everyone else thinks about what I need and want.

4. When you share your core with someone, in the right hands, it thrives. In the wrong hands, it withers. What makes your core thrive? What makes it wither?

I thrive in an environment with a strong leader. I have a strong personality as is and I generally need someone maybe not stronger than me, but strong in many ways that I am not. I am not a good leader at all, so the person whose hands I am in has to be able to lead, and the also have to be patient, because just like everyone else on this planet, I require work. None of us are perfect for the other, we just have to try and be level headed and work together, instead of fighting each other. I whither the moment my trust is breached, just like everyone else. I have issues rebuilding my trust in someone because it’s just been broken too often and it’s hard to shut my brain off when it tells me that, “E, this has happened in the past!!!!!!!!!!!!”

5. Do you protect your core? Do you feel you need to? And if you do, what measures do you take to do so?

It all depends on where I am at that moment. When I am on my own, I protect myself through various means, some of which I covered in question one. When I am with someone I try my best to be much less guarded and just relax. Being overly guarded with my core won’t allow me to grow, it just keep me hindered and stuck in the same rut.